Fixing the Premier League awards: Declan Rice, Cole Palmer, Dominic Solanke, plus teams of the season and more

England’s game is America’s toy. And look, as an employee of the Columbia Broadcasting System, I’m not complaining about the influx of eyeballs and money across the Atlantic. However, it appears that the Premier League is missing out on some of the best aspects of American sport.

We’re talking awards season, folks. It’s not necessarily that there will be a lack of individual garlands in spring football. They are so relentlessly equal and safe. Three big awards for player of the year. Two young player of the year garlands that Hans Moleman has recently aged out of. A rare team of the year. A Hall of Fame that has not yet filled its most obvious members.

Does it matter that there are no more awards to celebrate the best of a very talented set of footballers? Not really, but it’s equally a shame that Luka Modric can spend four years delighting England without receiving a league-wide award. That may not be the most embarrassing aspect of the 2010s for the UK, but do we really need more reasons to collectively look at our feet whenever we venture onto the continent? We should be able to hold our heads high and say yes, we gave Modric three All Premier League Second XIs and that was enough.

Anyway, if you don’t already know, we’re taking some awards from American sport and applying them to the Premier League. Read. It will be fun:

Player of the season: Declan Rice

However, there is still a need to have the derbies, even if it is curious that the Premier League felt obliged to select the player of the season from just eight candidates. Even more so when it means that people like Rodrigo It is Bukayo Saka don’t make the cut. Football Writers’ Association Winner Phil Foden did and he has long seemed a top contender for the award along with Declan Rice, whose transformative impact Arsenal defense and propensity for decisive goals at the other end make him the choice for this column.

Young player of the season: Udogie Destiny

The prize that never seems to work. Saka, Erling Haaland and Phil Foden were nominated for the Premier Lea League Young Player of the Season. They’re a little… old, aren’t they? This may simply be due to the weight of the games they have played, but it still seems perverse that those with more than 100 top-flight games should be judged against naifs. A quick change to the eligibility criteria addresses this, limiting the award to those who are 21 at the end of the season. Do that and the winner will be obvious, Tottenham’s wonderful young left-back Udogie Destiny.

Rookie of the season: Cole Palmer

And now I realize I’ve forced criteria that mean I can’t give Cole Palmer the award he obviously deserves. It doesn’t matter, I’ll do another one. When I asked for suggestions for any other awards you’d like to see in this brave new world, many of you said it would be the signature of the season. Yuck, let’s not glorify the excesses of the summer months any more than we should web traffic.

However, we can open up a small window for this type of premium in a Premier League debutant, although we play fast and loose with that definition so that we can fit in those who may have had developmental minutes the year before but have only really established themselves. . Set the limit for any player with fewer than 1,000 minutes played prior to the previous season and your winner will be obvious. It’s Palmer.

Defensive Player of the Season: Gabriel

Because defenders never win the Ballon d’Or… yes, I’m grateful for choosing the player of the year who many would call DM, but it’s his seven goals and nine assists that make Rice my number one in the Premier League. In purely defensive terms, it has to be the man who symbolizes Arsenal’s rise to be the best defense in the country: Gabriel.

Most Improved Player of the Season: Dominic Solanke

That’s a little complicated. Amadou Onana made a huge leap forward under Sean Dyche, but are we over-indexing on the natural progression that many players make in their second year in the Premier League? Brennan Johnson is delivering expected goals and chances like he didn’t last season, but that streak in a Nottingham Forest shirt makes it a little difficult to celebrate two more goal contributions. Dominic Solanke looks like the best option, a solid striker in 2022-23 who has now made the leap to being seriously and reliably linked to the biggest clubs in the country.

Reserve player of the season: Scott McTominay

Creating from NBA’s Sixth Man of the Year, we’re looking for someone who provides a lot of production, but if winning history is anything to go by, he might not be as valuable a starter for a winning team. Scott McTominay, this award can be named after you.

Coach of the season: Unai Emery

With all due respect to Pep Guardiola and Sean Dyche, but this winner has to come from the Basque Country. Andoni Iraola turned Bournemouth into a serious Premier League team, Mikel Arteta turned Arsenal into a very serious European team, but Unai Emery, despite an oscillation at the end of the season, there was Aston Villa briefly believing they could be title contenders.

Executive team of the season: Brighton

Not all of the prizes will be eye-catching, the kind we can sort through the season to fill in some editorial gaps. At some point you have to celebrate the guys who made a lot of money for their team. Congratulations Brighton and Hove Albion.

Game of the season: Chelsea 4, Man United 3

Fortunately, we are doing this for the Premier League, the most vibrant sporting competition in the world. The best game of the season doesn’t have to be a masterclass in tactics, coaches and players reacting quickly to deliver the best in football. We just need as much nonsense as possible. So clearly this would involve two or more Tottenham, Chelsea and Manchester United. Luckily for us, the last duo delivered a 4-3 of this blatant stupidity on April 5th that deserves its own wing in the Hall of Fame.

Teams of the season

Let’s be brief. Ben Whiteit was stolen (by me), but Kyle Walker is very important for Man City. Left backs are hard to find. Sorry Pascal Gross, I really wanted to have you at least one team up. And yes, if we are fielding multiple teams in the season, we are at least deferring to English tradition in one respect. Everyone plays 4-4-2.

All PL First XI: Alisson; Kyle Walker, William Saliba, Gabriel, Destino Udogie; Bukayo Saka, Declan Rice, Rodri, Phil Foden; Erling Haaland, Ollie Watkins

All PL Second XI: Emiliano Martínez; Ben White, Ruben Dias, Virgil van Dijk, Antonee Robinson; Cole Palmer, Martin Odegaard, Alexis MacAllister, Heung-min Son; Dominic Solanke, Alexandre Isak

All PL Third XI: David Raya; Pedro Porro, Jarrad Branthwaite, Joachim Andersen, Josko Gvardiol; Bernardo Silva, Pascal Gross, Bruno Fernandes, Anthony Gordon; Jarrod Bowen, Kai Havertz

Oh, you thought we were done there. Oh no! What people really want is an All Defense XI, celebrating the most diligent central attackers and the full-backs who really defend.

All PL Defense XI: Emiliano Martínez; Kyle Walker, William Saliba, Gabriel, Josko Gvardiol; Bukayo Saka, Rodri, Declan Rice, Conor Gallagher; Juliano Álvarez, Neal Maupay

And finally an All Rookie XI, where we will play a little looser in positioning. Yes, I know that João Gomes signed in January 2023. Check out the minutes!

All PL Rookie XI: Guglielmo Vicario; Teden Mengie, Micky van de Ven, Pau Torres, Destiny Udogie; Cole Palmer, João Gomes, Mohamed Kudus, Jeremy Doku; Carlton MorrisNicolas Jackson