Catherine Rusoff
An Army veteran, firefighter and founder of a New York radio station says he will “forever rest in peace” after revealing a lifelong “secret.” In a message included in Colonel Edward Thomas Ryan’s obituary, he said: “I have been gay all my life.”
The obituary states that Ryan, who lived in Albany, New York, was a retired firefighter, owner and founder of radio station WHRL-FM, and a highly decorated U.S. Army veteran. In addition to receiving the National Defense Service Medal, the obituary says he received a Defense of Freedom Medal for his assistance after the 9/11 attack, a Conspicuous Service Medal for “maintaining the highest traditions of Military Service” and a Commander’s Citation for “Service Above and Beyond the Call.” ”
Ryan, who majored in business, was also a member of the Vietnam Veterans of America and served on the American Legion’s Vietnam Veterans/Agent Orange Committee.
According to Albany Times UnionRyan was 85 when he died on June 1. His family told the Times Union that he served in Vietnam while in the Army but was unsure of his age or rank.
At the end of his service and funeral details, Ryan provided his own message, saying, “I must tell you one more thing.”
“I’ve been gay my whole life: through elementary school, through high school, through college, throughout life.”
He also revealed that he had a “long-term loving and affectionate relationship” with another man named Paul Cavagnaro. That relationship ended in a painful situation – but after the death, Ryan said they would meet again.
“He was the love of my life. We spent 25 great years together,” Ryan wrote. “Paul died in 1994 due to a medical procedure gone wrong. I will be buried next to Paul.”
After years of keeping his sexual identity hidden, Ryan has apologized.
“I’m sorry I didn’t have the courage to come out as gay. I was afraid of being ostracized: by family, friends and coworkers,” he wrote. “Seeing how people like me were raised, I just couldn’t do it. Now that my secret is known, I will rest in peace forever.”
Although Ryan didn’t come out publicly before his death, his niece Linda Sargent told the Times Union that many in the family knew, but “it just wasn’t something we talked about.”
“I knew probably 40 years ago. I knew [Cavagnaro] was his partner,” Cathy Stammel told the Times Union. “They were a loving couple. I admired that,” they said. “But I promised him I wouldn’t say anything and I kept that promise. It was up to him to talk about it when he was ready.”
Ryan’s obituary received widespread support online, with people commenting on his digitized obituary, saying: “you were loved.”
“As a brother in arms, I salute you. As a brother in spirit, I embrace you. As a brother of the Holy Spirit, I kneel and pray for your eternal comfort,” one person commented. “Having found true love is priceless.”
Another commented on an apology, saying he was “sorry that we as a country did not make him feel safe enough to live his life fully and publicly.”
“May he rest in peace and pride with Paul, and may his memory be a comfort to his family and a lesson to us all,” they said.
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