Snyder’s Soapbox: Five suggestions for MLB umpires before ejecting players, from gongs to automatic strikes

Welcome to Snyder’s Soapbox! Here I pontificate weekly on a topic related to Major League Baseball. Some of the topics will be urgent matters, some may seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things, and most will be somewhere in between. The good thing about this site is that it is free and you can click to leave. If you stay you will get smarter, that’s a money back guarantee. Let’s go.

Everybody saw Bryce Harper ejection at Coors Field just over a week ago?

Obviously, we can’t hear everything that was said there, but it sure seems like the referee had an itchy trigger finger.

Part of me imagines a kid in the Denver area dreaming of seeing Bryce Harper in person someday. The child’s parents save money and surprise the child with tickets. Excitement increases. Finally, I can see Bryce Harper!

And he is released in the middle of the first round.

There is always a realistic chance of something like this happening. I’m not saying referees should Never expel anyone, because they often deserve it. And maybe Bryce deserved that. Again, we have no idea what was said. Harper certainly looked shocked when the ejection happened, so I guess he wasn’t saying anything bad, at least in his mind.

The root of the problem here, however, is not the referees themselves. Yes, they are part of it and sometimes they can handle taking a little more criticism without having to flex their muscles with a theatrical ejection. The biggest problem for me is that they have no other recourse when a player, coach or trainer attacks them. That’s why you sometimes see them yelling back, which seems unique to baseball.

In football, there is a penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct. In basketball, there is a technical foul. In football, there is a yellow card. In hockey, there is misconduct.

In baseball, it’s all or nothing. No blood or ejection.

Shouldn’t there be a compromise to serve as a warning and at the same time lightly punish the offender, without going straight to expulsion?

I must warn you before diving in that this will not be for everyone. There are some serious suggestions and some not so serious ones. If you’re easily angered, you’ll probably find a straightforward news article somewhere else on our excellent site.

Please enjoy, but also keep in mind that I’m serious about there needing to be some sort of recourse for referees between just catching him and kicking someone out.

An argument violation

It’s very simple, right? When someone steps over the line for the first time in a game, there’s no need to head straight to the shower. How about just one violation. One second causes the person to be ejected. Referees need a way to signal that a violation has been committed and I like to throw my hat at them.

Think of the added drama and, yes, the humor of the situation. A coach attacks the home plate umpire and the umpire then rips off his mask and theatrically throws his hat in the air.

Beautiful.

I’m open to this also being a flag, a colored card, or a hand signal (like the “T” on hoops). My insane colleague Dayn Perry suggested having an umpire run behind home plate to bang a giant gong and now I can’t stop laughing thinking about it. We’re always open to ideas here at Soapbox.

Moving forward, keep in mind that with any of these punishments we will also have a “two means of ejection” clause.

The penalty box

Hey, let’s draw hockey here. If a player commits their first violation, they will need to visit the penalty area for the next turn. This means that if his position in the batting order comes up, it will not only be ignored, but it will also be an automatic exit. When the offender’s team is on the field, they will be minimizing one man.

In fact, that would be a substantial penalty, right? Great deterrent?

Automatic balls/hits

This is a little less steep. When there is a violation, it is an automatic hit (if the offending team is batting) or ball (if the offending team is on defense).

Could we also move to automatic kills on offense or kills on defense? Maybe that’s too strict. I don’t know. We’re just spitting here!

Donkey’s Punishment

If he is a position player, he must wear a donkey helmet for the entirety of his next at-bat. If he is a pitcher, he must wear a dunce cap to the next batter he faces.

The mobile fence

This was my dad’s brilliant idea, so make your “apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” comments. There would be a set distance for a breach. We’ll call it 25 feet.

If the offender is on defense, the outfield wall will move 25 feet for the remainder of the inning. If the offender is on the attack, the outer wall moves back 25 feet for the next turn.

The heavy bat

If the offender is an offensive player, he will be required to use an extra-heavy bat the next time he attacks. We’re talking at least double, so somewhere in the 70-80 ounce range. If the offender is a defensive player, he will only be the next hitter for that team. Peer pressure is a good deterrent.

Seriously, I’m still laughing at the gong. Just imagining a random umpire running from second base to bang a gong while a player is freaking out is extremely funny.